i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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