Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
