I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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