At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
