A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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