I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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