the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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