During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
