Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
