Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
