I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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