Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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