so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
