I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
