well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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