I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
