we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
