Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
