Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
