He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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