i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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