So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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