It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
