i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
