She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
