you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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