First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
