I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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