I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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