Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
