whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
