I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
