Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
