Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
