this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
