Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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