Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
