i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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