a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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