You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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