I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
