I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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