all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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