shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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