Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
