I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
