I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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