well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
