Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
