i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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