Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
