Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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