Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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