where am i from again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
