sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
