Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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