you guys were way drunker than both of me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
