Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
