he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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