He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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