omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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