D3 body, D1 cock
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
