I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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