Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
