And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
