Fuck appropriateness.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
