party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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