Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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